After All This Time
by noahsbear
Summary: Quinn already moved on. She's been doing well in her life, found a new love and successful at what she does. It's been a year since the tragedy that changed her forever.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi. So. I've wanted to write a story for a long time now. This is not my first attempt. I never really had the time to continue anything so everything fell thru. But now because I'm happy that Quick finally happened again, I'm writing this story. Just one of the crazy ideas I had. At first I want to write something that is totally happy and rainbows and puppies, but I decided to stick with this. I'm a BIG Quinn-Puck shipper. The other characters are here too. You'll see Quinn-Rachel friendship. Quinn-Rachel-Santana-Brittany friendship. A little Samcedes. Klaine. Brittana. Sorry if this is too long. I'm excited to get started. I hope you guys like it._

Summary: Quinn already moved on. She's been doing well in her life, found a new love and successful at what she does. It's been a year since the tragedy that changed her forever.

* * *

"Quinn, what is taking you so long?" Santana shouted at the door.

Quinn rolled her eyes but ignored the other girl and continued on her make up.

"We're going to Lima, Ohio! Not some freaking fancy place! I'm sure they can survive with you having not too much make-up." Santana banged on the door.

"Shut up! Go away!" Quinn yelled. Though it's true. She doesn't know why she even bothered putting a make-up. It will just be ruined. Their coming home to Lima. _Home._ At first the thought makes her smile. It was _suppose_ to make her smile. It was home after all. But they're going home for a sad reason: to visit Finn's grave because it's been 5 years since his death. Death. Such a sad thing. Not sad. But cruel. _'Death is such a cruel thing.' _She thought to herself. She hates death. She definitely does. Her thoughts was cut when Santana came rushing in the room.

"FABRAY. GET YO ASS UP. LET'S GO!" Santana shouted but not angry. Just… Santana.

"OKAY OKAY! Jeez. Relax a little!" Quinn finally stood up and started walking towards her bag. She picked it up and looked at Santana.

"Where's Rachel?"

Quinn moved in to New York after graduating at Yale. It was her dream. She was thrilled to finally be around her high school friends. She moved in with Rachel, Kurt and Santana. At first she thought the set up would never work. But as the time passed, she grew fondly of living with them. It's not that long 'til Brittany joined them. They have to fix some 'sleeping arrangements' because Santana and Brittany now lives together. But everything turned out fine. She loves being around them. Who knew the five of them can live together? If someone said that to Quinn at sophomore year of high school, she would have laughed. She even considers Rachel as one of her best friends now! How things have changed through the years.

"She's outside waiting for us." Santana answered as Quinn walked past her. Being friends for too long now, the blond girl can sense something about her friend. Like she wants to say something but having second thoughts about it. Finally Santana spoke,

"You okay?"

Quinn still has her back against her friend. Not wanting to have this conversation, while facing her.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"I wont ask if I know."

Santana rolled her eyes, but she still pushed it. "You really want me to say it?"

Quinn opened her mouth, but quickly closed them again. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She turned to Santana.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me, San. Today is about Finn. The one you should worry about is Rachel, not me." She tried to smile. She did smile. But she knows Santana knows it's not real. Dammit Santana.

Santana crossed her arms. She was about to push the topic more, but decided against it. She just nodded and picked her bags and walked towards the door.

"Well let's go. Let's not keep Berry waiting. You know she hates it."

Quinn smiled this time, a real smile and followed her friend at the door. She took one more look at the loft. _It's just for a few days. I'll be fine. _She thought to herself. Even though she won't. She won't be fine. Not even a bit. Lima just reminds her of everything that she lost. _Everyone_ that she lost. She sighed and closed the door.

The ride to the airport had been quiet. Quinn is seated between Santana and Rachel. Brittany is beside Santana. This is not the first time that they will fly back to Lima for Finn's death anniversary. They have done this every year now. But something with this year that makes everything different. It _feels_ different for all of them. Once in a while, Rachel will share a story about Finn. They heard this story before. They have heard these entire stories before. They just listen because that's what Rachel needs, friends that will listen. They will laugh on the proper times. Cry, if Rachel gets too emotional. They are so used to this now. It's been five years after all. Sometimes she will catch Santana and Rachel sharing some meaningful looks. Of course they are. Sometimes Quinn just hates both of them. They just knew things. Even the things Quinn doesn't want them to know, they knew. Rachel glanced at Quinn and smiled. An encouraging smile, like she's the one who needs consoling. She returned the smile. Not a happy smile, but a 'it's okay. I'm okay' smile.

Like the ride to the airport, the flight was also uneventful. Quinn didn't talk much. Only responding if they are talking to her. She feels bad because she knew she's not supposed to act this way. Especially not today. But she can't help it.

"Blaine and Kurt already flew there. They are with Sam and Mercedes." Rachel told them.

Santana nodded but seemed disinterested. She just continued looking at Brittany. Brittany on the other hand is reading magazines. Smiling time to time if she reads something funny or sees something cute.

"Can't wait to get off this plane.." Quinn said to particularly no one. She immediately closed her mouth wishing they haven't heard her. But of course they had.

"Quinn, I would totally understand if you didn't want to come.. I told you-" Rachel was cut off by Quinn's hand waving her off.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry if I sounded like I don't want to visit Finn or anything like that. It's not that I promise." Quinn said to the brunette besides her.

"Oh yes. We know." Brittany said still looking at the magazine. "We know why you don't want to come home." She finally looked at Quinn, "It's okay Q. We're here for you." Brittany smiled.

Maybe for the hundredth time that day, Santana and Rachel shared a meaningful look.

"Thanks Britt." She smiled. "I'm okay." She know looked back and forth between Santana and Rachel, "Tho I would appreciate it if you stop giving each other that look."

"What look?" Rachel said at the same time Santana said "I don't know what you're talking about!"

Quinn took a deep breath. "Guys I'm fine. I'm tired of saying that for the hundredth time today." She feels like she never said "I'm fine" that much before in a span of one day. But she knows she's wrong. She said that two words over and over again at one point of her life. Just to shut up everybody. Even though it's not true. Even if there's no way for her to feel fine that time.

"Britt is right, we're here. If you want after we go to Finn, we can-" Rachel suggestion was cut of because Quinn is now glaring at her.

"No. Drop it." Her words were final. And Rachel accepted that. She closed her mouth and kept quiet till they finally arrived at their destination.

Santana also stopped giving her that look, like at one point Quinn will breakdown and cry.

She won't. She will be fine.

"I'm fine." She murmured to herself.

* * *

_How's that for a starter? I promise I'll get better. Please review! I'll update in a few days! xoxo_


	2. Chapter 2

Your reviews warms my heart, really. And some followed this story so I'm feeling the pressure to continue this! Chapter 2 is here. I hope you like it.

* * *

In a late afternoon they gathered around Finn's grave. Everyone is there. Mr. Schue ( he insisted to b called Will now) and Emma standing together holding hands. Five years later and he still cries. Everybody still. Burt and Carole is there. Beside them was Blaine and Kurt holding hands and glancing at each other time to time. Blaine would have been Finn's brother in law. The thought makes Kurt cry. They could have been a big happy family. Complete. Together. But now its just a dream. Sam and Mercedes stood closely together. Their relationship got a lot stronger since they became roomates. Sam matured and actually became a real model. Mecedes released her album. They have been together for a long time now. Sam is really looking forward to take their relationship to another level. Santana and Brittany also stood close together. Time to time Santana will hold her hand if she gets emotional. Brittany is smiling solemnly whispering comfort words to the previous girl. Artie is standing beside Mike and Tina. Mike and Tina got back together two years ago. After all the talk and Mike trying to win her back, he eventually did. Rachel is well.. Rachel. She still cries. Quinn doesnt think it will stop. Nobody even tries to console Rachel at times like this. She'll still cry anyway. Yet again, everbody does. That leaves Quinn. She chose to stand far from the grave. Behind everyone else. Something about graves is unsettling for her. Especially its Finn's. Or maybe she's just afraid that she will lose it. She's done crying over dead people. She thinks she cried all her tears already. She tried to think happy thoughts. Everybody is there. Well, _almost_ everybody.

The sun starts to set and everybody starts to head home. Burt and Carole invited all of them for dinner. Of course they can't say no. And they won't.

"Hey Q." Santana called on her as the latina starts making her way towards the blond girl.

"Hey. Shall we go home? My feet hurts and-" She stopped talking when she realised everyone is now looking at her. With _that_ look.

"Do you want to.. You know." Mercedes spoke quietly. Like almost afraid to hit a sensitive nerve.

Quinn just looked at eveyone and started walking. She pulled her cardigan closer and ignored the protests behind her.

"He's waiting for you for a year now." Santana's words stopped her on her tracks. Everybody looked nervous.

Quinn wanted to slap Santana. But Mr. Schue and Emma was there. Also Burt and Carole. She doesn't want them to see her like that.

"Waiting?" Quinn finally spoke still not facing the group. She turned slowly, tears are already forming on her eyes.

"Don't speak of him like he's still-" She stopped talking, like she cant bear to say the next word.

"It's time." Santana's words were final.

Quinn let out a bitter laugh, "Who are you to tell me _'It's time'_ anyway?"

"It's been a year, Fabray! Stop denying things! Especially _this_! You're making it worse for everyone!" Santana yelled and Britany tried to hold her back because she's now walking towards Quinn.

Tension filled the air. And for a moment, it felt like they're in high school again. The Queen B and the Head Bitch going at it again. Like nothing had changed. But everything already did. Because now they're not fighting about being head cheerleader, or who's more popular. They are fighting about real things. They are fighting about mature things. Things that really matters.

"Girls." Burt called them now. "We should go now. It's starting to get dark."

Quinn and Santana continued to glare at each other. Like old times. But different. They are not really glaring at each other. They are looking at each other with other looks. Santana's words sting but her eyes are comforting and sensitive. Quinn was hurt but her eyes are sad but not angry. Like she doesn't want Santana to say something. She doesnt want Santana to say the truth.

Brittany pulled Santana and she let her. Kurt held Quinn's hand and sandwiched the blond between him and Blaine. Everyone walked in silence. And headed to the Hummel's.

* * *

The mood was changed at dinner. It was light and not somber. They are laughing and sharing happy stories about Finn. Sometimes they talk about other things. The boys will talk about sports. The girls (including Kurt) talked about fashion. It was a nice dinner. Just exactly what they need. Rachel will share her stories about Broadway. She's close to booking her third broadway show. Everyone is proud. They always knew Rachel can do that, but after everything that happened, she still manage to pull it off and move on.

After the dinner everyone headed home, Quinn took the ride with Rachel, Mecedes and Sam driving them. Brittany first offered to drop her home, but accepting Britt's offer means a car drive with Santana. Quinn politely said no to Brittany and told her that she will see her again tomorrow.

"Sorry about Santana." Rachel finally spoke after a few minutes of silent car drive.

"Not your fault. Don't say sorry." Quinn answerd firmly. Not even looking at her friend.

"It's kinda my fault. ."

Quinn looked at her immediately. "What are you talking about, Rach?"

"Santana and I had _this_ talk days ago. We're worried about you."

"About what, now?" Quinn asked the brunette beside her.

Rachel didn't immediately answer. She just looked at Quinn. She's looks like she's on the verge of tears. She averted her eyes on Quinn and looked at Mercedes who's seating in front. Mercedes is already looking at her. And maybe already thinking the same thing. Both of them are afraid to say something. Not because they are afraid of her. But because they are afraid they'll hurt her.

Rachel looked again on Quinn and took a deep breath.

_"Noah."_

One word. One name. Quinn almost lost it. She looked at Rachel as if she slapped her. How can she say that name that easy? Quinn thought. All the feelings and emotions that she kept for the whole day is now at point of explosion. And explosion she don't think she can handle. _'Keep it together, Fabray,'_ she thought. But Rachel has this habit of continuing talking in times like this.

"It's been a year. I'm sorry. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Santana is right." Rachel continued quietly.

The car drive was supposed to be just 30 minutes. Why does it feels like they have been on it for hours now? Quinn just stared at Rachel. Like she didn't even heard anything. Her thoughts was cut when the car suddenly stopped. Sam looked at her from the driver seat and smiled earnestly at her.

"Here you go." He said still smiling.

What if she fell in love with Sam back in high school? She suddenly thought. Like really _really_ fell in love with him. Not just for popularity or social status. He was so kind and sweet. Gentleman and funny. What if she didn't cheated on him back junior year? Will they still be together? Will everything hurt less?

Sadly no. Everything will still hurts so much. And Sam and Mercedes we're perfect together. Who knew her cheating can be a way of matching her friends together? First, Finn with Rachel. Then Sam with Mercedes. She loved Sam. Also Finn. But everyone knew who's she's _in love_ with. And she hated that. She still does.

She smiled, "Thank you Sam." Not only for the drive, but for saving her from Rachel.

"Goodnight guys." She picked up her purse and opened her door. She started walking towards her house but heard another door opened.

Rachel got off the car and followed her in her porch.

"Quinn listen to me." Rachel started.

Quinn turned. For a moment the brunette is afraid she'll start screaming at her. But she was met by a pair of eyes that weren't angry, but sad. And tired.

"Are we really talking about this on my porch?" She smiled a little. A tired smile.

"Well you dont want to talk about in New York. I'm figuring this is the chance for you to hear us out."

"Sam and Mercedes are waiting for you. We'll talk tomorrow, Rach."

Rachel looked unconvinced. But settled for it.

"You promise?" Rachel looked at her full of expectations and hope.

"Promise." She lied.

* * *

There you go! I'm sorry if this is taking too long. I know you guys already want to know what happened to Noah. I really wanted to push this chapter more, but I intended to prolong the excitement. Next chapter everything will be revealed. I had fun writing the Quinn/Santana scenes. I want to keep in character. Because I wouldn't change anything with these characters. Looking forward to next chapter. This will be a back to back chapter. Review please! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**_Told you it will be a back to back chapter! Why didn't I put this on the last one? Because it's too long. And I want this particularly part of the story to have it's own chapter. So this is it. You guys will finally know what happened to Noah a year ago. Maybe you already have an idea. Maybe not. Most of this chapter are flashbacks._**

* * *

_"Babe where are you?" Quinn asked over the phone._

_They are going home to Lima, it's Finn's fourth death anniversary._

_"I'm still here at the base. But I'm leaving in an hour." Puck answered_

_"Oh okay. You know this is important. I don't want you to miss this."_

_"And I won't. Don'worry. I got it." Puck answered smiling. Knowing that the last three words will make the girl roll her eyes._

_Quinn did roll her eyes but smiled widely. "Jackass."_

_Puck and Quinn are together for four years now. A record for the both of them. Although at some point things got hard because of the long distance relationship, they manage to get through. The first year of dating is the hardest because both of them got really one point Quinn even dared Puck to break up with her. Which he did because his pride got hurt. After two days he rushed to Yale and apologized to her. Which she accepted. Because both of them is just being too silly and immature. Months passed without anyone daring for a break up. Once in a while Puck will visit her. And they hang out. Puck even spent some nights at Quinn's dorm. Everything went well. Of course aside for some silly fights, their relationship got stronger._

_"So..." Puck trailed off._

_"So..what?" Quinn asked slowly._

_"I've been thinking lately."_

_"You're actually 'thinking'? Wow. Never knew that." The blond said playfully and grinned at herself._

_"Ha ha. Funny." Puck rolled his eyes but smiled, "I'm gonna be off duty for 3 months."_

_Puck is already getting ready for his first major deployment since joining the air force. His commander gave him 3 months before he leaves for a whole year. Puck wanted to make sure that he will spend time with his family, friends and of course with Quinn. It's gonna be hard, but he promised Quinn that everything will be alright._

_"Yes. You already told me that."_

_"The original plan is that I will stay in Lima, for my mom and Sarah. Right?"_

_Quinn is getting impatient, "Yes. And just get to the point Puckerman we don't have whole day."_

_Silence filled the line. Quinn at first thought she offended Puck and tried to speak again when she was cut by Puck._

_"Iwantyoutomoveinwithme." Puck said in one breath that Quinn didn't understand._

_"What?" Quinn asked again. She didn't understand what he said. Or maybe she did. Maybe she just wants to hear it again._

_"I want you to move in with me." Puck said, clearly this time. "I know it's only for three months, but I will feel absolutely better living with you for the remaining days before my deployment. I will be gone for a year.." He trailed off but continued, "I want to make sure that when the time comes for me to go home, you will be there waiting for me. I want to come home to you."_

_Quinn has tears on her eyes. She can't believe that this is the same guy who use to throw kids on the dumpsters. Or throw slushies at people. Of course this is the same guy. Same guy but different. Matured but still the same._

_Puck continued speaking, "My mom understand, I already told her. We will just come and visit them. I know you love living with our friends so I looked for an apartment near where you're living right now. So you won't get lonely when I leave. I love to move in with you guys but Santana and Brittany is already livng there and I'm sure Rachel and Kurt can only take too much." He smirked on the phone but got serious. "I know these kind of things are better to talk about in person, but I can't wait to tell you. And you won't see me cry if you say no." He smiled._

_Quinn finally spoke, "Why would I say no?"_

_"Because I'm a jackass."_

_"Yes you are." Quinn is now grinning, "And yes I will. I will move in with you. Of course."_

_"Good. Because I already brought the apartment. You will pay me if you said no." Puck said half serious, half joking._

_"See. Jackass at it's finest." Quinn shaking her head but smiled._

_"I think I like you." Puck said like he's not sure. Bu he is. He loves her. It's just his way of saying that._

_"Yeah. I kinda like you too." Quinn answered. Because that's her way of saying that._

* * *

_It's 8:00 am. Their flight is still in four hours. They wanted to take an earlier flight but Rachel still has her rehearsals for her show until 11. Rachel insisted for them to fly without her, but other girls said otherwise._

_"Puck asked me to move in with him." Quinn said out of nowhere._

_Santana looked at her mouth hanging, Brittany smiled at her widely._

_"Are we talking about Puck as in Noah Puckerman?" Santana said like she couldn't believe it._

_"O my god Quinn. I'm happy for you!" Brittany reached for her hand and squeezed it."Wait. So you're leaving us?" She asked and the smile that was there a while ago is gone. It was replaced by a pout. Quinn thought she looked modest and young and.. Brittany. Just Brittany._

_"Well he said he got an apartment near us. Because he doesn't want me to get lonely when he leaves."_

_"He is still leaving?" Santana said, few seconds later followed by "Bullshit."_

_Quinn rolled her eyes at her._

_"Of course he will still leave, San. I told you. That is what he wants. I love him. I can't tie him with me for the next months just to make sure he won't leave for his deployment. Puck and I already talked about it. It wasn't easy. But he made sure I undestand. And I did. I do."_

_Quinn is expecting some rude retort from Santana, but all she said was,_

_"It's dangerous."_

_Quinn looked at her and saw a girl who is afraid for her friends. Santana is scared for Puck at the same time scard for her. If anything happens to Puck it will ruin Quinn. And Santana knows that._

_"Puck is a tough guy. He will be okay." Brittany said and smiled at Quinn._

_"He is. Thanks, Britt." Quinn smiled at her._

_Santana still don't buy it, but refused to push the topic more._

_"Screw him. Move back with us when he leaves." Santana said grinning._

_"I will think about that. But I don't know. I mean we're not that young anymore. Someone has to move out before this place explodes." The girls laughed at this. Because this is kinda true._

_Quinn heard her phone buzzed and immediately checked it. It was a text from Puck._

**_"I think I will be late. :-( Sorry for that. I'll try to be there at dinner. Love you. :-)"_**

_She replied quickly,_

**_"That's sad. But drive safely, k? I love you."_**

_Quinn glanced up, "Puck won't make it in time. He said he'll just be in the dinner."_

_"Rachel will hate him." Santana said as a matter of factly._

_Quinn laughed at this. "She sure will."_

* * *

_The girls packed their things and it's almost 10. They will stay in Lima for a couple of days. Quinn is kinda excited to come home. She get to spend time with her friends, see her mother, and see Puck after 3 weeks of not seeing each other. The most exciting part is, after Lima she will go back to New York with Puck. She can't wait._

_Santana sighed and Quinn was cut on her thoughts._

_"This is gonna be a long day." The latina girl said._

_Quinn knows that she doesn't mean it in a rude way. She knew that going home to Lima for Finn's death anniversary is a challenge for everyone. She nodded at her and looked at her phone._

_"You looked at your phone for the 20th time in the past hour." Brittany said. And Santana nodded._

_"Sorry. Puck hasn't answered my texts."_

_"Clingy." Santana said smirking._

_"Shut up. He gets irritated when I text him while he's driving. So he'll text me before."_

_Quinn sent another text to Puck._

_Another 30 minutes had passed. Still no text. Quinn is starting to get worried. She may sound crazy. But she feels something different. Like something is not right._

_The door opened and Rachel walked in obviously frustrated._

_"Let's go before my publicist calls me again." she sighed and started to dart towards her room._

_"Well hello to you too Berry." Santana spat clearly annoyed._

_"Sorry!" Rachel said now coming towards the other girls, she immediatley noticed Quinn with a worried face. "Quinn, you okay?"_

_"Puck hasn't texted her so she's sad." Brittany chimed in for her._

_"Well that's kinda.." Rachel trailed off and Santana finished the sentence for her,_

_"Stupid? Yeah it is."_

_Quinn rolled her eyes at both of them when her phone rang. She almost dropped it. She looked at the screen and doesn't recognize the number. Maybe it was Puck calling from another phone. Maybe._

_"Hello?" Quinn answered and shushed everyone on the room when Rachel and Santana starts bickering about something._

_"Hello, is this Ms. Quinn Fabray?" The man on the other line said. He had a deep scary voice, Quinn thought. Which made her stomach flutter with nervousness._

_"This is officer Cole, and we're calling because Mr. Noah Puckerman has been invloved in a vehicular accident. And you are his emergency contact."_

_Quinn couldn't believe what she just heard. As if everything stopped for a minute. Even her own heartbeat felt that it came to a halt. Everything froze._

_"Ma'am are you still there?"_

_Quinn didn't respond. She doesn't want to. But she knows she have to. She need to know more._

_"Is he-" Quinn started but choke on her own words. Rachel and Santana looked at her. Their face full of questions. And worries._

_The line is silent. As if the officer is thinking on how to say it in better manner. On a way that it won't hurt. But any other way it hurt. And it hurt like hell._

_"He didn't made it. I'm sorry ma'am." The man said silently._

_A while ago everything just stopped. Now everything is gone. She swears she's not breathing. She's awake but not really. She can hear her friends calling out her name. She wanted to respond but she can't. She don't know why. She don't know how. It's like her soul was sucked out at her body. And if it's possible to hear your own heart breaking, she swears she can hear hers now. And then she collapsed on the floor. And then there's just darkness._

* * *

Quinn turned on her bed. Thinking about all the encounter she had with her friends. She and Santana almost got into a fight in the cemetery. Rachel wanting to talk to her about it. About _him._ She knows at one point she have to deal with it. But not today. She is too tired. And too scared. She felt like she's been wide awake for the whole night now. She lazily reached out for her phone and checked the time, it was just 11:37 pm. _11:37 pm_. It's still the same day. It's still the day that she hates.

It's still Finn's five year anniversary.

And it's Puck's first.

And for the first time that day, she cried. She cried for the remainder of the night until midnight. Until she felt that there are no more tears. Until she got tired and felt sleepy.

She fucking hate this day.

* * *

_Woah. Don't hurt me. This is my plan from the start. Your reviews will be appreciated. And don't worry. We are just getting started. ;) Who has twitter? I mean the real question is, who hasn't? Haha. Follow me on twitter, fabruckerman and talk to me if you have any questions. I'll try to update as soon as possible. xoxo_


	4. Chapter 4

_Well hello everyone! Thank you for the reviews and follows I got for this story. You guys are the best. I'm afraid I broke some hearts out there? Don't worry. Mine is broken too. Good news is, the story is not yet finished! I mean, it can't rain forever right? I just want you guys to hang on. x_

_Chapter 4 is here! Enjoy!_

* * *

"Jesus. It's already 3 in the afternoon. Wake up Fabray!"

Quinn stirred on her sleep but didn't open her eyes. She knows that voice perfectly well.

"Should we call the police? A doctor, perhaps? She may be dead or something.

Okay. That voice belongs to someone else now. What the hell are they doing here? Quinn thought. Still with eyes closed.

"Don't be overdramatic, Berry." The former girl sighed and started kicking the bed, "Wake up before I really kill you."

Quinn rolled on her bed to face them. She slowly opened her eyes and saw them. Santana has her arms crossed while Rachel is clutching her Finn necklace, like she always do when she's nervous.

"Is this because I told you we're going to talk today? So you decided to sleep all day? That's not really nice." Rachel reprimanded her like mother on her child.

"That's really mature of you." Santana smirked.

Quinn threw the pillow she's holding at Santana's face. "Go away."

"No. We almost got into a fight yesterday, on a freaking cemetery because of your stubbornness. I don't care if we fight again today." Santana said firmly.

"I'm the one who's stubborn? You're the one who keeps insisting we talk about _it_, when clearly _I_ don't want to talk about it. Who's the stubborn one now?"

"Could you guys please calm down?" Rachel said clearly frustrated with the two girls.

"I'm not the one who's at someone else's bedroom, kicking someone's bed at this early morning!"

Santana quickly threw the small clock standing on the nightstand straight to Quinn's forehead.

"It's already 3 in the afternoon." She said the same time Quinn's "OUCH!" echoed on the room.

"I hate you!"

"The feeling is mutual, blondie."

"Knock it out." Rachel said now standing between the bed and Santana.

Silence filled the room for the first time. Quinn and Santana stopped bickering because there's just no point. The clock on her forehead hurts, but some things hurts more. Like the talk that is about to go down now.

"Well.." Quinn started.

"You promised me last night that we're going to talk about _it_ today." Rachel said as a matter-of-factly.

"I was drunk."

"You're definitely not!"

"Fine. I'm high."

"Now you're being crazy!"

The two girls stared at Quinn for a moment. Quinn just looked at them. Quinn doesn't look angry or anything like that. She looks just like herself. Like everything is fine. When obviously nothing's fine. That made them worried more.

"Quinn. It's been a year yesterday." Rachel started again.

Silence again. It could have been hours since she had the courage to answer.

"I know."

Silence.

"Then why didn't you visit him? I mean, not him but the-"

"I get it. _His grave_. You can say it, it's not like tabooed or something, Rach."

Silence. She hates silence. It makes her think about things. About _him_.

Santana sighed loudly and sat at the end of her bed. "You can't avoid it forever."

"Why not?" Quinn said like a child, with a small smile and tears on her eyes.

"Because it's silly." Santana smiled too. Not the happy smile, Quinn noticed. But the smile of someone who's not trying to cry. Someone who lost a friend too.

Quinn looked outside the window.

"It's been a year. And yet I can't bring myself to talk about it. Or even think about it. I'm that weak."

Rachel quickly reached her hand, "You're not. It's normal. To get in the state of denial."

Quinn looked at her and smiled weakly. She's clearly crying now, "You're very strong Rachel. How did you do it? I mean, look at me. I can't even visit his grave."

Santana stared at the two girls and felt that she doesn't have any idea how the both of them felt. Yeah sure she lost two friends with Finn and Puck, but these two.. They lost the love of their lives. Santana couldn't imagine being on their situation. Because she knows she will be worse than Quinn.

"The first time I looked at Finn's grave, I was a wreck. It made it feel more real. That he is gone. He's not coming back anymore. And it hurt. It hurt so damn much." Rachel is crying now but continued, "I lost the love of my life and that's it. That's our ending. I can't believe it either. But I tried. God knows I did. But as time passed, I realized something. I was wrong. It wasn't our ending. Our ending is me loving him forever. Our ending is us being soulmates. Nothing, not even death, can change that. And it made me feel better. Five years later, look at me. I'm alive. I made it. Or at least, I'm trying to."

Silence again filled the room. This time, it was a good one. Everyone is just trying to keep it together. Now it was Quinn's turn to speak.

"I never believed in soulmates. I thought it was stupid. I thought there's just love and nothing else. But that is crazy. I look at you and Finn and say to myself, this is just not love, this is something more." She glanced at Rachel and smiled through tears. "I look at you and Brittany and see something bigger than love." She now glanced at Santana who's full crying now and not even bothering to wipe them off.

"It's like you guys are connected. Your soul is connected. You guys always belonged to that someone. And I wanted to feel that too. He made me feel that. That I belong to someone. I belong to him. That my soul is somehow connected to his. He made me believe in soulmates. Because he's mine. I was stupid for dating other boys back in high school that will accept my past and try to forget it. All along I have a guy who knows my past, lived them with me, and still loved me after all. He's not perfect, but then again, so I am. But he's perfect for me. He's the one."

Quinn is trying so hard to continue speaking, but for a moment she really let herself cry. She cried for who knows how long. They didn't even try to console her and tell her that everything will be okay. They know it won't make her feel better. Quinn tried to speak again,

"The last talk we had, he asked me to move in with him. I said yes. I would live anywhere for all I care. As long as he's with me, everything will be fine. I lost him so many times in the past. Times that I wanted to run away from him because he was scary. I was scared of him because he got this effect on me. He's like a thing you shouldn't do because it's bad. At the same time you wanted because he was so fun, careless, free; everything that I'm not." Quinn felt herself smile a bit,

"I love him so much. Back then I always thought that he was just waiting for me. I'm the one who's always with another. The truth is I'm the one who's waiting for him. To come up and finally say that he wants to be with me. To come up to me and say that he really loved me. But I keep losing him. Mainly because it's my fault for being too scared. But this time is different. I truly lost him. It's something I can't fix anymore."

Quinn cried harder and this time, the two other girls consoled her. She let them hold her. It would have been hours that they stayed like that.

After all the crying they are brought back to reality when Santana's phone rang.

"Shit. Sorry. It's Britt. I need to take this." She said excusing herself out of the room her face still damped with tears.

Quinn and Rachel were left on the room; two girls who can relate now more to each other than everyone else.

"You guys always knew you'll end up together. That's your difference to every couple here." Quinn said smiling at Rachel.

"Maybe."

"Me and Puck, it wasn't that easy. It's very complicated. I'm always with someone, and he's sleeping with the whole town."

Rachel laughed still wiping some tears of her face. Quinn did too.

"Please. It was always the two of you. Remember what I told you few years ago before graduation? I always thought you will end up together."

Quinn smiled at the memory. She remembers calling him that night to help him with his geography test She remembers kissing him that night, telling him that no one deserves that kiss but him.

"It was always the two of you Quinn. You guys are just too stupid to realize it."

Santana came back to the room and breathed loudly.

"Okay. Weird because it's already 6:30! We didn't notice that, did we?"

Quinn didn't notice of course. She's too caught up with crying and talking about all of these. Talking about it- him- made her feel better.

"Thank you. I can't imagine having this talk to anybody else. Rachel of all people, you will understand me. I know you won't judge me. You know how I feel. And that's nice. To have someone that knows how you feel." Quinn reached for Rachel's hand and squeezed it. Her eyes averted to Santana who remained standing at the doorway. "You're my best friend San. As crazy as it sounds, you are my best friend. We hate each other 80% of the time but let me tell you something. I wouldn't have survived the past year without you."

Brittany is her bestfriend too. But Brittany is too precious for this. She doesn't want to see her like this. I bet Santana feels the same way.

"We're here for you Quinn." Santana said and Rachel nodded at her. "Not just me and Berry, also Brittany. Mercedes. Kurt. Everyone."

"Thank you. Even though I don't deserve that." Quinn smiled.

"Stop being sappy. It's dinner time. I would ask you to cook for us, but I don't want your house to burn down because I got hungry." Santana smirked.

"Can we order?" Rachel suggested.

"Totally. Unless you want the Fabray's to be homeless."

Quinn rolled her eyes but laughed. It felt good.

"Oh and I called Brittany, she'll come over. I think the others too."

Quinn knows Santana told Brittany what happened. How she broke down. How the three of them broke down. She already knows that Santana probably called everyone too, to come over her house and 'discreetly' console her without saying too much. She really is her bestfriend.

"Okay. We'll just decide when they get here. I should get dressed."

Rachel and Santana are now walking towards the door when Quinn spoke again.

"I think I'll do it."

Both of them looked back at her.

"I'll visit him."

* * *

_Finally! Yes. When Quinn got the news of Puck dying, she didn't flew to Lima. I don't think that's unrealistic. People can do that. Especially when it hurts too much. I love the fact that somehow Quinn can relate to Rachel so much now. So next chapter is Quinn visiting Puck's grave for the first time. I loved writing this chapter. Especially when Quinn explained what she always felt with Puck. That's how I always felt about Quick. Soulmates! By the way, as I told you earlier, hang on. Good things will happen. Review please! xoxo_


	5. IMPORTANT

HEY GUYS I'M SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED. THIS STORY IS ON HIATUS! DON'T HATE ME! IM WORKING ON OTHER FANFICS. I'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE THIS SOON.

xoxo


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